Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
