It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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