Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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