can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
