its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If I had your ass I would rule the world
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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