Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
