return my video game
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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