I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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