Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
