Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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