I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
