I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
