Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dick very happy bro
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
