I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
there was a trapeze. enough said
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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