my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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