I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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