Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
