im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
