Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Randomize
