I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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