my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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