i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
