i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
