YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
