I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
