You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
