I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Congratulations! We have a period
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