I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
did you just send me my own nude
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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