bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
