i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Alive.
So much puke
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
