it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
