there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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