So drunk its hurt
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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