The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think people are normalizing furries
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
