i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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