i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
