1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
