Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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