Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
