is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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