i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
