Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
