Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
