Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
