I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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