Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
