Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
