... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
