had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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