yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
