Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
