i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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