I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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