look no pants
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
3 2 1 whiskey
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
