Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
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Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
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