Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
