Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
