WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
