So drunk its hurt
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
