Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
