people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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