I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
