I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
