I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
